Wow, I don't think I've been compelled to write this much but here we go! So call me crazy, but I caught myself once again looking at my sister's facebook page pretty much screaming (not literally of course) at her. I mean, I find all these pictures of her out drinking having a great ol' time and she's just a completely different person from when she was my sister-I don't really consider her my sister anymore, I mean she doesn't fit any of the qualities I see in my adopted sisters and brothers. I remember there was one time she used to care about me and even possibly love me, but I know that's not true now. I honestly don't think she would talked to me if I tried to contact her-not that I would. And I know I need to move on...there's just part of me that doesn't wanna let go of her cause deep deep down she's my sister and always will be. She was my role model and my best friend and when she left it tore me apart. As I said I have moved on with support from so many people which they know who they are and I appreciate them more than they will ever realize. I just wish there was some way to recconect with her even though I know it's prolly best we don't. See, I loved being close to her, but with all the positives came some intense negative points. Everyone thought she was sooo much prettier and yada yada. I never heard the end of it, and it was like we couldn't leave the house without a guy checking her out. I remember being used by certain guys to get to her. It really messed my self-image up. For the longest time I was convinced that I was fat and ugly just because I didn't look like her. And she didn't really help. I mean she'd act like she thought I was pretty, but you could tell it wasn't true. When she left, I finally had the chance to stop comparing myself to her and to look at myself and see how far I've come in the past years. The only reason I'd want to get in touch with her would be to tell her that though she broke my heart into tiny little pieces that I love her and she will always be my sister. I hate to say it, but if she ever came back and wanted to be in my life again-I would let her. Well, now that I've got that out of my system...more later.