I just got finished watching the movie 27 Dresses, and I gotta say it was pretty good. It really hit home with me because I didn't realize how much I can be like the main character played by Katherine Hiegel. I rarely say no to anyone about anything. Don't get me wrong I do say no occasionally, but to be honest, I don't say it often. Not that I want to be a person that says no. I like being there for people when they need me-even if that means putting them before me. I mean, isn't that kinda what God wants us to do? Put other peoples needs before our own? I don't know it was just a really neat movie that sparked some interesting thoughts.

And right now I'm re-reading the Stephenie Meyer books holy cow I love her writing!! I'm on New Moon and I've already cried for like an hour when I was reading it. Now I'm really not that girly, but I think I get into it a little with either those books or an occasional chick flick-that's enough for me. I'm not one for drama, I've already had enough of that in my life thus far. I can't wait for the movie based on the first book Twilight to come out this December. It's gonna be great. And the guy who plays Edward has a thing for his costar in real life which just makes the entire thing even better! Ya re-reading this kinda scares me because of how girly it sounds lol. O well what can you do.

Anyways, I'm finally out of school which is soooo exciting!!! I feel so free and yet it hasn't really hit me that I'm pretty much officially a senior. It's so mind boggling. I'll be in Tennessee in less than a week...wow...it's gonna be a blast! Well I'll write more later. Toodles

I'm finally reaching the end of my junior year! YES!! Next week is finals and honestly I already feel so burned out. I'm sooooo tired of trying to keep grades up, and it feels like my brain can't take in any more information than it already has. At least I only have one more week. And my grades are good...they're just not exactly straight A's like everyone else around me...but what can you do? And graduation is next week which is sad because all of my senior friends will be gone. I've made so many friendships and suddenly it feels like they're all just gonna leave. POOF! gone in a flash.

And then it will be summer!! YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't even put into words how ready I am. I'll be going to Nashville to look at colledges and hang out in the coolest city ever :) Then when I get back, I'll have voice classes for a week which should be really fun because I LOVE my choir teacher. The next week I'm either babysitting or I'm headed throughout the US looking at colleges with my youth group. Then it will b church camp time which should be amazing!! It's called Soul Quest and it's in York Nebraska. Then I'll come home for three days and go to Germany for two weeks!!!!! I can't wait to go to a different country besides Mexico!!!!! Then I'll come back and either babysitt or do that Jr/Sr trip that I mentioned above. I'll babysitt for the rest of time and take up all sorts of musical instruments...It won't be a restful summer, but it's gonna be great.

So, I'll be marathon training as well and I finally got a scale to monitor my weight and all that so im on the right track! 26.2 miles here I come :)

I just thought of a great quote that I really like and I wanted to share it.

"Those who settle for mediocrity will never be disappointed"-Ms. Parmenter

It really fits where I'm at right now, and I respect my choir teacher very much. When she said that in class one day, it hit me how true it really was. I will fall, barriers will be in my way through this. But it's not about the barriers, it's about what I do with them/about them.

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent"-Elenor Roosevelt

That one also came to mind. It's so true, but I think I forget that when I get caught up in the high school mentality that it matters what everyone thinks and that I don't fit in and such. And it totally doesn't matter because they're not the people that I'm going to be around for the rest of my life. Just a thought

Today I was just thinking about how I really only have three weeks left of school. And it made me think back to this past year. I'm not gonna lie, this year has been tough, tougher than I ever could have expected it to be. It seems like this year has been a year of rejection. Every time I turned around, I got knocked down. Trig and Pre-Calc didn't go how I wanted. I felt stupid because all of my friends were in AP and Honors classes while I was in "regular" classes. I met this girl and tried to help her through her struggles and tough times dealing with pregnancy. Little did I know that she fed me lies about this boy that I was becoming very attatched to. It was as if I was flying I was so happy and optimistic. Then the first bomshel hit me. This boy asked another girl out-I was in shock. This girl had lied to me. The pain was some of the worst I think I have ever felt in my life. I had lost the guy I had hoped to spend more time with AND I had lost a friend. Bomshel #2 my sister flipped out and decided she didn't want to be apart of my life anymore. Little by little, she disconnected herself from me. The one person that I had looked up to from the time I was little just decided that she didn't love me anymore. But I kept my head afloat-God wouldn't give me more than I could handle. Then came the musical tryouts. These were supposed to be pretty easy since I had made it the past two years. Of course what else happened, but that I didn't make it in. I was in shock (and of course I cried). I felt like I was terrible. I was trying to keep it together-I would be in pit orchestra as one of the four violins and I would keep my head up. My friends and famiy supported me and I continued on. I made it with an intense respect for the people in pit because they definitely don't recieve the respect they deserve. Finally, the one audition that my four years had depended on arrived. Singers! I was going to do it. I would get out of this rut. Unfortunately, things did not go the way I planned them...God had something else in mind. After all the summer school and extra courses I had been taking to fit Singers into my schedule-I didn't make it in. Once again, the wave of shock pounded me in the face. My best friend just hugged me and let me cry it out (you can see a theme here). I felt once again that I was a horrible musician and that I had no talent. I wondered what other people thought of me, and I felt close to hopeless. I've been contemplating everything this week, and I've realized that God put all of this in my life for a reason. To be a musician, I've gotta have tough skin, and I need to be able to handle rejection. If I can handle this, then I can handle other rejections. These weren't because I wasn't good enough or that I was terrible. It's because of the choices the other people made. It wasn't my fault. And yes, I did beat myself up about the guy thing. Was I not pretty enough? Was I too fat? What was wrong with me? But it wasn't me. He had someone else in mind, and there's nothing that I could've done to change that. Looking back on this year, I'm thankful God gave me the opportunity to get through all of this to look into the future with hope and a newfound motivation to take up more instruments and enjoy music as much as possible. And I'm even thinking of running a marathon. Ha!