I have never been more ready for a break than I am now. I swear life never slows down-not that that's a problem, but lately, everything has exploded in my face. Things have not gone how I planned AT ALL. But, that tends to happen when I forget to actually ask God what the plan is for my life instead of taking the reins myself. Especially the past couple weeks, I'm losing it!
First, this guy (yes it's always about a guy isn't it) who seemed to like me did the whole backtracking thing that guys are sooo good at. Ok, fine I tell myself I can handle it-he stopped talkin to me that's fine. And then he strikes up a conversation a week later asking if I'm comin to state for basketball-like I actually knew they were goin to state?! But he didn't want me to have to move things in my schedule blah blah blah. Whatever, if he's interested in me, he'll try harder, if not, I'm leaving in about 5 months.
Then, this whole other thing blows up in my face with some of my closest friends in yg and they all blame me for everything and I can't fix it. I want to, but I'm so tired of saying sorry when it's not my fault. I've gotta fix it somehow though...it's killin me that they're mad at me (people pleaser that's me). I definitely the phrase "agree to disagree" will have to fit this situation.
It might not sound like a lot, but it just wears me out along with the musical at school (Damn Yankees), music lessons, school, church stuff, a wedding last week-you get the picture. And I just want so badly to do what's right and pleasing to God, but I forget to actually ask Him, I mean it's not like He disappears into thin air-He's always there. I've been actually readin The Prayer of Jabez again after seein my cousin Jenny in Nashville when I went down a couple weekends ago (pics hopefully to follow...if I can figure out how to get them off my phone) and that truly has been inspirational to incorporate that into my life. If you haven't read it, or haven't read it in awhile, I'd definitely recommend it.
With all of this, I know it will be ok in the end and this is only part of the journey. God won't give me more than I can handle. But I just struggle with how I'm making a difference in the world. Am I helping at all? And with that, do I think about myself too much? Shouldn't I be helping other people and putting myself last? But how do I not focus on things I struggle with too? After all, I need to hold myself accountable before I even think about passing judgment on someone else. Point blank, it's just tough. But I know for a fact that I've never been closer to God than I am now, and the more I talk to Him, the better things will be.
Well, besides that, I'm headed back to visit family over break. And I think my best friend might even get to come along for the ride which would be awesome! Well, gotta go...it's gonna be a busy day I can already tell :)
it been so long...
5 years ago